Day 18

As a friend that I've met through ITSAN said, "One day at a time"...

Yes that is how I get through each day. I couldn't dare to think of how much longer this is going to take. I can only thank God each day for bringing me enough grace to get by each day. One positive side of TSW is that I haveh come to appreciate things SO MUCH - to have enough (although disrupted) sleep so that I could wake up and go to work; to not have the worst skin of my face possible to that I have the courage to go to work; to have the most wonderful mom to takes care of me and leave me worry free even though she has to work, to have the most loving and supportive boyfriend who always encourages me... Yes, however the days will be, however the strength that you will have.

I talked to my parents about my decision to go into withdrawal on last Friday, and I am just so glad to hear that they are supportive. They tried offering me suggestions on ways to ease the itch, how to sleep better... I really thank them for their caring, but no, they really wouldn't understand the torture and suffering that I am going through. I tried to explain that it's like I'm quitting from a drug addiction, which is technically true. It's not just about the itch, there's also the shivering, the weeping, the burning, the socially impaired, the insomnia, the lowest self esteem... Really, I don't blame them for not understanding all this, but it just feels frustrating how those who are closest don't understand how I feel, and there's nothing that they could do to really help with the problem, only time can heal.

It's been dips and hills these few days. First is my face - it hadn't really gone too well from the last flare since around day 13, and then on Monday night (day 16) my face got so itchy that I just couldn't resist and scratched my face, and boy was I regretting it so much afterwards. It got really weepy, and I kept dabbing tissues at my face before sleeping. I swear to god that I will avoid scratching my face at ALL COST. I just prayed so so so hard that night to let me face be somewhat OK for me to go to work, and hallelujah I was able to go to work the next day, although there's such big area of wound that I felt like there's a big hole on my face. My face was red, luckily it's not flaming red like it did get before. Today I feel like the wounds are healing, and it's got really flaky. Essentially the whole face is flaking and it's just a matter of time when it comes off, so I have to put moisturizer like ALL THE TIME and keep peeling off flakes that are already on the edge of coming off, which is really annoying.

My limbs have been red, dry and flaky as usual with occasional weeping in small amounts, not much progress.

And I still smell weird. This is especially bad when my face is weeping and I could smell strongly the weird ooz smell. But even when I'm not really oozing, I could still smell the weird smell. Is is the sweat or what, anyone?

Like my dad said, it's NOW OR NEVER. This is a battle that we must fight!!